​You pick up the pen to start but nothing comes out.  Your head rolls on the pillow and its eyes find the grey-white clouds shimmering through the flutter of eucalyptus leaves. The 7pm Canberra sun light yellows the landscape on the other side of the half tilted louvres and suddenly it strikes you, “I should write this down!”. 

So, for the sake of having something to write about you are now writing about your current surroundings. Not to mention, for reasons unbeknownst, you are also writing in the third person, stop that. 

Hmm, my brains frozen again… I guess I’ll just keep writing… Wow, I think I’m about to lay here and write about not having anything to write about, and I did…. I still am! I must escape this black hole of irony at once!

Normally, whenever my pen hits the paper I automatically flip this weird deepness switch and just jump right in there. It can actually be kind of annoying. Why must I be in a constant homeostatic state of environmental analysis. Damn it, see what I mean? what the fuck does homeostatic state of environmental analysis even mean?!… 

I think what I’m trying to say is, I would really like to just pick up the pen and write about something like stamp-collecting or model aeroplanes for once. Actually, I used to collect stamps as a kid and I was totally obsessed with it. I’m fairly certain mum still has them in a dusty chest somewhere, I wonder if I could get back into that?.. Probably not.

Skye, a work colleague of mine just shuffled back into the room. Now sitting on her bed vacantly pearing down at her phone, most likely facebook, she plops back into a more permanent and slouchy position, optimal for newsfeeding and face-cancer… Unconsciously now she disembarks. She floats off like a moth towards a zapper, to a far away world of incandescent fantasy.

I can see what people are doing… They really dislike sitting still and just thinking… Sitting and thinking, for some reason or another is regarded by most people as boring. I totally understand. It can feel uncomfortable to be stuck alone with a shady looking stranger and that’s probably alot like it is for people who don’t know themselves, truely. They avoid themselves like the plague!

People go straight for their phones. To get away from this stranger they inhabit their minds with the thoughts of someone else. Do you ever notice in social situations where the people dont know eachother, such as a doctors waiting room, they will all get their phones out and start durping away like a bunch of crustaceans. 

They cling to these things like the debris of an ocean wreckage… Everywhere I go, I feel like a camera man on the Titanic set, it’s ridiculous and I know because I do it too. Though not unconsciously.

You really have to fight it. You have to put it down and face the awkward situations. Be the one dude or chick in the waiting room staring at the wall or reading The Cat In The Hat. You have to free yourself of it or you will gradually weaken, and piece by piece you will be lost to it. You will be replaced by a mosaic of media personalities, none of which will be yours… 

Slowly, the you dies.

Wow I totally just flipped that deep switch again didn’t I…… fml

3 thoughts on “Incandescent Fantasy

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