What is it about this particular slice of reality of “mine” that is so special? Why should my perspective be held in higher esteem than anothers? It shouldn’t.

The way we cherish this experience exclusively seems strange and the closer I look the more apparent it grows, that as this cherishment exists in codependence with a delusional construct of the imagination known as ego, it to must be a delusion. 

This awareness of mine is special. The personality that formed around it however is not to be valued any more than another. It is merely a reflection of the conditions through which it has travelled. Drop by drop, the slow deposit of experiences has fallen upon the bare rock of awareness, burying it beneath a spectacular mound, a stalagmite of “I”, “me” and “mine”. This beautiful calcification, though beautiful it may be, ought to be destroyed. It isn’t as valuable as we like to think. The real value lays buried beneath it. In the crystal clear nowness we all share. This is where our true nature is hidden.

Should being blessed with a massive brain and the ability to consciously navigate our environment come with some form of higher responsibility? By dishonoring this responsibility, a thing far forgotten and grossly unused except in exclusivity for ourselves and those we can benefit from, we experience a restlessness, an urge to be distracted… This is the cavity left behind by the decay and dispersion of that responsibility.

Since your awareness of the way you exist isn’t accurate, out of genuine ignorance and at no fault of your own, you spend your time vainly trying to fill this hole. Into it you pile an endless supply of distraction, busyness and drama. You don’t see the pile grow so in a feeble attempt to substantiate the non-existent self in which this hole was bored, you pile in loads of validation and self-nourishment. The hole grows bigger yet. Desperately you construct accross it a bridge of identity and you beleive this identity into existance like a child in a costume shop…

Isn’t it odd? All that effort just to avoid a confrontation with what you are in reality. Which is nothing like you could imagine, such as being “special” or “unique”. You are merely an awareness that arises spontaneously and in dependence on touch, taste, smell, hearing, sight and mind. The realization of this is what is truely unique… There is over seven billion awareness’s on this earth other than your own. What is more important? A single awareness, or the other seven billion? The correct answer to this question is what is truely special… 

It is the experience of reality exactly the way it is that is special and unique, not the experiencer.

While I write these words, I sit here knowing theres a part of me looking forward to the validity of strangers and I struggle with that as a personal nemesis. 

I have a subtle hunger for acknowledgement, it is a lingering remnant of this self-substantiating ego. I am constantly reminded of it, but… awareness of it isn’t enough. Its destruction isn’t brought about by merely knowing it to exist. In some cases, and very much on the contrary, your awareness of it could very well reinforce it. Like “Oh look at me, I’m better than all these people because at least I KNOW I have an ego and they have no idea!”… This is an example of an enchroachment on the territory of the SUBTLE ego and is an extremely easy trap to fall into.  

Ninety nine percent of humanity are utterly unaware that the identity they have built around themselves is an imaginary costume and the one percent that do, don’t know what to do about it. So what hope is there? If the very few who CAN see, can only see helplessness? The hope is that even though the hope cannot be found, we look anyway, we persist.

The destruction of this self-made prison is brought about through persistence. By persistently pulling it out of its dark hole and holding it up to the light in a state of perfect concentration we can gradually diminish the hold it has on our way of being. As you do so it will shrink and subdue much like a beach-worm will as you approach it. It wants desperately to keep its place so it will hide, becoming ever more difficult to find. By applying your meditative search techniques, you have to exploit every inch of its burrow. Time and time again you must pull it out of the sand, hold it up high and burn it with the intense light of your awareness.

It would be so sad to know this ego doesn’t exist anywhere outside of our imagination. To know it means nothing yet hold onto it as if life depends on it… Life depends only on letting it go.

2 thoughts on “Journal 2 • Beach Worms

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